BERT IS DEAD.

Note to the Reader: Bert repeatedly and vigorously insisted that his obituary should only read "BERT IS DEAD" with no further details. In fact, Bert promised to haunt any family members who wrote anything beyond this rather stark announcement.

Having now (technically) complied with Bert's wishes, we offer the following "Appendices" to the above and hope he is currently otherwise engaged:

Bert Simons, 88, of Vancouver, Washington, died on Saturday, April 6, 2024, after a long and difficult illness.

Bert was born in 1935 on the island of Sumatra in Indonesia. He had three sisters (Annie, Wanda, and Dientje "Iet") and a brother (Arnold). Following WWII, Bert's mother Theresia bravely sold all of the family possessions and moved the children to The Netherlands, where Bert would grow, learn to speak five languages, and eventually serve as a sharpshooter in the Royal Dutch Army. At age 28 and with $60 in his pocket, Bert immigrated to the US in 1963, making his way across the country to settle in Vancouver, WA. He worked as the maître d' at The Inn at the Quay restaurant on the Columbia River, almost losing his life when a cherries flambe dessert exploded in his face. The attending ER physician at the time opined that had Bert been inhaling at the moment of the explosion, he most certainly would have died. Although perhaps unrelated, there was a consensus in the years following that Bert's face was remarkably smooth and free of wrinkles.

It was at The Quay that Bert met Patty, the woman who was the light of his life, constant companion, and best friend. They married in 1967 and honeymooned in New York before boarding the USS Rotterdam for a trip to The Netherlands. Bert vowed to never be away from Patty, even for one night, a promise he kept throughout their marriage.

Bert attended the University of Portland, studying long into each night to earn his degree in civil engineering. Bert was hired by Clark County Public Works, the place where he would go on to serve the citizens of the county for over 30 years. He designed roads and procured federal funding for many of the landmark projects that stand to this day. Bert was the consummate picture of the humble professional who served others without drawing attention to himself.

The most important feature of Bert's life was his faith as a Roman Catholic and his relationship with God. Bert had a special devotion to Our Blessed Mother and he truly reflected the heroic characteristics of St. Joseph: protective, loving, dedicated, and filled with trust in Jesus.  Bert volunteered for over 20 years at The National Sanctuary of Our Sorrowful Mother ("The Grotto") in Portland, Oregon, one of his favorite places. Even at the end of his life, with his body weakened, Bert would somehow summon the strength to make the sign of the Cross before praying the Rosary.

Bert absolutely adored his grandchildren, Claire and Connor, who brought him years of joy and love. Bert found peace in fishing with his family (always on the hunt to catch a "lunker"), playing tennis or table tennis, gardening, and cooking delicious Indonesian treats (e.g., sate with gado gado sauce) for family and friends. He had a playful wit and enjoyed teasing others but always with a twinkle in his eye and affection in his heart.

Bert was an extraordinarily kind, patient, and loving father to Andre Simons and father-in-law to Tiffany Simons, both of Fredericksburg, VA; grandfather ("Opa") to Claire Keith (Peter) of Richmond, VA and Connor Simons, Washington, DC; and uncle to Maureen Kudron, Phoenix, AZ; Larry Braaksma (Angie), Troutdale, OR; Randy Braaksma, Gresham, OR; brother-in-law to Craig Newton, Everett, WA and Jim Newton (Lori), Arlington, WA). Bert is preceded in death by his beloved mother Theresia, his sisters Wanda and Iet, and his brother Arnold. Bert's sister Annie ("An") currently lives in The Netherlands along with many of Bert's dear nieces, nephews, and family members.

Over the last few years, Bert was increasingly impacted by the effects of Lewy Body Dementia, to the point that he and Patty moved into an assisted living facility at the end of 2021. Although Bert's movements and functioning grew more limited, Bert never complained about his condition or his circumstances. He was a model of sacrificial suffering, routinely offering his pain for others. His wife Patty was his full-time caregiver and each day demonstrated her absolutely heroic love for Bert as she ceaselessly supported him through this final chapter of his life on earth. St. Josemaria Escriva wrote, "Abandonment to the will of God is the secret of happiness on earth." Bert and Patty's joy, grace, and trust in God in the face of such enormous challenges embodied this sentiment. It is certainly no coincidence that Bert died on Divine Mercy weekend.

We are exceptionally grateful for the care and assistance provided by Larry and Angie Braaksma and Randy Braaksma to Bert in the final years of his life – they were always there for him and for Patty. We also offer warm gratitude to the staff at Cogir of Vancouver at Orchards and the many dedicated health care professionals who helped Bert through the years.

One of Bert's favorite sayings was, "Time pierces through everything."  While we are saddened to lose Bert for this short time, we place our trust in Jesus and look forward to the day when we are all reunited with Bert.

A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at the Proto-Cathedral of St. James the Greater Catholic Church in Vancouver, WA, on Saturday, April 20th at 1100am (Recitation of the Rosary at 1030am). A burial ceremony will follow immediately at Evergreen Memorial Gardens at 100pm.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to Catholic Charities USA.